Honesty

Tell me the truth. Truthfully. Don't beat around the bush. Don't jab, hint or wink. I don't and will not understand- in fact I'll misunderstand. I wish the world was a place where you can just go up to a person and say "I hate you" even if I am at the receiving end, or "I love you" even if I am the one who has to say it. Some may say that the world would be even uglier and angrier if the truth is told all the time, but I beg to differ: the truth will not cause wars, arguments and fights if people could accept the truth with grace and an open heart.
So if you, like me, have to refer to books on the body language and psychology to decipher what the people around you is ACTUALLY trying to say, then I know you also have a secret wish: to be able to read minds, since those books are not very useful. I suspect that they are not accurate or helpful in the first place, since I am getting very strange 'readings' from the people I observe, but then again I could be coming to the wrong conclusions. Those books also usually comes with several caveats: body language can be faked, is subject to age, gender, ethnicity and culture, may not be what it seems and no single body language is a reliable indicator.
I did try to act based on what I assumed was how other people actually felt, with disasterous results. Why? The girl at my workplace could either be in agreement with me and likes me very much or she could just be very weird, and that guy could be very much in love with me, or he could be interested in ALL the other girls in the same room (the author did say that men are 'interested perpectually' in most women). Alternatively, they could be bored, and knowing that I was trying to read their body language, was trying to mess with me for amusement. So what have I learnt from all those books? Never trust people in a profession that gives you advice and then subject it to about a dozen conditions (lawyers included).
I have been called 'brutally honest'- I am not sure what that means, but I do know that some people tend to avoid me because of that. People who can't avoid me (association not by choice, but by fate or blood relationship) tend to get upset with me a lot. I can't speak for anyone else, but I do like frank, genuine and honest people in general, so I adhere to the 'all or nothing' rule: I either tell the truth, or I say nothing at all. However, while it is rather hard for me to see the problem with saying what is on my mind, nowadays I do realise that white lies are neccessary evils, but then telling lies, for me, does have its problem. I get too creative:
X: (Sighs) I don't think I'll ever find that someone special.
Me: Why? [Genuine question]
X: Look at me. I don't think girls would want to go out with someone like me.
Me: But why? You are a nice guy. [truth]
X: But there are tonnes of nice guys around.
Me: Well, you are smart and you (insert talent here) [truth]
X: So? I am not rich or good looking enough.
Me: I don't think that is important at all. [Genuine opinion]
X: Yes it is.
Me: No, it is not. You just need the courage to ask the girl out.[sincere advice]
X: Huh?
Me: Yeah. You need to just ask. I am sure she ll appreciate the fact that you were brave enough to even ask and oblige.[Genuine opinion]
X: Yeah right.
Me: Right!
X:Thats you. Not everyone is the same.
Me: Okay, well at least you would have tried. Don't put yourself down- you are actually quite good looking and you do have a good future. [white lie]
X: Really?
Me: Really. In fact, I see girls checking you out all the time. You are quite a good catch. [blatant lie]
X: Wow. I never knew that. Why don't I have a girlfriend?
Me: Urm.... well you see..... maybe you just have to wait.
X: I don't believe you. (looks at me suspiciously) I guess I am destined to be alone forever.
Me: Urm....don't worry. If you are worried, what about other guys who are lesser mortals compared to you? [blatant, blatant lie]
X: Really?
Me: Yeah really. Compared to other guys you are superior. You have superpowers and you can fly. Which girl wouldn't fall for you? [ABSURD, OUTRIGHT AND RIDICULOUS lie]

Kylie, me and really angry people

I named my car after Kylie Minogue- small and cute yet sexy, and most definitely a survivor. I have been driving to KL since my college is in Brickfields, and to be honest, I am not exactly a good driver and neither do I take as much care of Kylie as I should. After ignoring Kylie's very noisy gearbox for months, I finally bought her to the mechanic, only to find out that there wasn't anything wrong with the gearbox itself- it was the mat blocking the clutch. Every time I changed the gear I couldn't step on the clutch properly, so I have to force the gear into its position. I felt like an idiot- I had just confirmed the believe that female drivers are bad drivers! But it was an honest mistake that anyone could have made, right?
I only started driving on a regular basis in Kl since I started my course in Brickfields. When I first started, my driving was terrible! I was impatient, I cut into other people's lanes when I should have waited, I NEVER gave way and I couldn't side-park. Then one day, when my dad came to KL, he said "You don't give way to other people and you expect other people to give you way?" Oooops. Sounds like I have been a jerk. Since then, I try to be more patient, but it is difficult. I never had the habit of using the 'f' word, and neither have I shown anyone the middle finger (yet), but somehow, when I am on the road, I have to practice some self-restraint to stop myself.
But then again, everyone else is angry, and I mean ANGRY- honking, staring and shouting whenever someone else cuts into their lane, or when someone else refuse to let them cut into their lane, or when someone else parks in 'their' parking lot. The stress mounting while being stuck in a traffic jam creates even more anger, and being late makes it worse. Since Kylie had her window smashed and was scratched, however, I decided that all that anger wasn't worth it- I am going to be driving for a very long time, and it really takes up A LOT of energy to be angry for that long. I wonder how other people do it. From now on, I am like, its all zen yeo, and its all cool. Peace, man, peace. (try imagining a surfer dude saying that and you'll get what I mean)
That approach doesn't exactly improve my driving skills, but at least my blood pressure is normal when I am driving. In the meantime, Kylie will still have to put up with me. In fact, I am really surprised that I haven't gotten involved in any major accidents. Now do you know why I call her a survivor?

Those good old coffee days

I woke up at 3 am this morning in panic, thinking about how much more I needed to study, not realizing that the exams are over. After coming out from the bathroom, however, I saw that the kitchen is somewhat neater and cleaner and the floor had been vacuumed- and I immediately remembered that I did all that yesterday BECAUSE the exams where over. Yes, I know, everyone must be asking- 'You cleaned the house after the exams? Shouldn't you be out partying?' The truth is I wanted to be as normal as I can possibly get. The past two months has been about worrying, studying, stressing, remembering, sleep deprivation and huge quantities of caffeine. My dream of running a marathon seems further now that I haven't been to the gym in nearly a month. The apartment is dirty and I have got books all over my desk. I didn't catch the controversial ad on 8 TV because I haven't been watching TV. I haven't read anything non-CLP except for the occasional newspaper now and then. The essay I wanted to hand in for a competition never came into existence. Kylie had to wait to have her gearbox repaired, and I haven't seen Bobo in such a long time. My skin now looks like it belongs to a reptile.
I don't think I can ever look at any CLP-related book, or drive all the way to Brickfields to have a 14 hour study marathon EVER again. I don't ever want to drive around to look for parking and then hear the endless sighs in the library. I don't want to wake up at 3am on the morning of the exams to look at the same notes over again. I don't want to ever replace coffee for a meal.
Now that the exams are over, I have a reason to SMILE. Not that I am sure that I will pass the exam, mind you, but it's funny how things seem different after traumatic events.(yes, exams are traumatic, to me at least) I got up in the morning, cleaned the house, went out for lunch, bought groceries, brought Kylie to the mechanic (more on that later) went out for a jog, went for dinner and then went shopping. Yes, all very normal, 'domesticated' activities, but yes, I was so HAPPY. Okay, maybe not THAT happy. You see, because I was so used to drinking so much coffee for the past two months, when I didn't have any yesterday (okay, maybe just one cup), I was really sleepy by 7pm, hence I had a typical day of a 70 year old. Now that I have done normal, I think today is the time for a little crazy.
So there you go. Arte trivialle is back! I am really sorry that today's post is really about me ranting about how terrible the exams have been, but to all random people reading this, I will try to write as often as I can, till you all get sick of me!