Lessons in the gym

I got a job at a fitness centre where I worked for about a week- I quit because I got a better job offer, but one week doing sales and interacting with my colleagues was a very interesting experience and I learned more about myself and the society during this one week than I have ever learned in any other week of my life. It was, all in all, a weird, if not uncomfortable experience for me, but it was a useful one nonetheless. During my entire week there, there wasn't a day that went by without someone commenting on the fact that I prefer to go sans make-up, my clothes, my hair, my body and my behavior. First impressions do count, and being in a profession where any sort of impression is important, the GM has given me a lot of advice on how look more desirable and appealing to the average male population to help boost my sales, although admittedly, a lot of this advice went unheeded due to laziness and also partly because I am very stubborn person in general.
If I am honest with myself, I would probably admit that showing more skin and taking life less seriously would make things easier for me at work, but instead, me being me, I refuse to believe that, telling myself that I have to look 'professional and proper,' resulting in me looking out of place at the office, turning me into some sort of a nun in a brothel( no insult intended to my colleagues). When I complained to someone, that person told me: "Why go against the flow and trouble yourself? The right thing to do is to go with the flow." I guess he is right, subject of course to a caveat: I will go with the flow only if it is not against my conscience. In this case, I don't think it is a 'choose ONE of the following options' situation, so I guess it is time that I took 'personal grooming,' whatever that means, more seriously, now that I have stepping into the working world. No more Einstein hair, geeky glasses, torn bags and shoes and boy clothes. Not that I want to dress like a slut- mind you, that requires a lot of effort that I am not willing to make (again, seriously, no insult intended) But lesson leaned: I will, from now on, take my colleagues advice and put in reasonable effort into looking good.
I always thought that MOST people were intolerable, troublesome beings that I should avoid, so I refuse to deal or talk unnecessarily to people I don't know. I don't do small talk, ask personal questions if I can help it or share my thoughts or feelings with random people. Having spoken to so many strangers for the past week, however, I have found that people are actually very interesting, even if I can only hear their voices over the phone. I had spoken to bored tai-tais, people working at the airport, a silat master/salesman, an art gallery owner, a badminton coach, a gym owner and businessmen over the phone; these are the people whom I had actually had a proper conversation with after the realization that asking personal questions and small talk is important in making a sales proposal. To my surprise, I actually enjoyed it! I guess before this I was the intolerable, troublesome being that other people avoided!
So yes, a very fruitful week indeed!

Honesty

Tell me the truth. Truthfully. Don't beat around the bush. Don't jab, hint or wink. I don't and will not understand- in fact I'll misunderstand. I wish the world was a place where you can just go up to a person and say "I hate you" even if I am at the receiving end, or "I love you" even if I am the one who has to say it. Some may say that the world would be even uglier and angrier if the truth is told all the time, but I beg to differ: the truth will not cause wars, arguments and fights if people could accept the truth with grace and an open heart.
So if you, like me, have to refer to books on the body language and psychology to decipher what the people around you is ACTUALLY trying to say, then I know you also have a secret wish: to be able to read minds, since those books are not very useful. I suspect that they are not accurate or helpful in the first place, since I am getting very strange 'readings' from the people I observe, but then again I could be coming to the wrong conclusions. Those books also usually comes with several caveats: body language can be faked, is subject to age, gender, ethnicity and culture, may not be what it seems and no single body language is a reliable indicator.
I did try to act based on what I assumed was how other people actually felt, with disasterous results. Why? The girl at my workplace could either be in agreement with me and likes me very much or she could just be very weird, and that guy could be very much in love with me, or he could be interested in ALL the other girls in the same room (the author did say that men are 'interested perpectually' in most women). Alternatively, they could be bored, and knowing that I was trying to read their body language, was trying to mess with me for amusement. So what have I learnt from all those books? Never trust people in a profession that gives you advice and then subject it to about a dozen conditions (lawyers included).
I have been called 'brutally honest'- I am not sure what that means, but I do know that some people tend to avoid me because of that. People who can't avoid me (association not by choice, but by fate or blood relationship) tend to get upset with me a lot. I can't speak for anyone else, but I do like frank, genuine and honest people in general, so I adhere to the 'all or nothing' rule: I either tell the truth, or I say nothing at all. However, while it is rather hard for me to see the problem with saying what is on my mind, nowadays I do realise that white lies are neccessary evils, but then telling lies, for me, does have its problem. I get too creative:
X: (Sighs) I don't think I'll ever find that someone special.
Me: Why? [Genuine question]
X: Look at me. I don't think girls would want to go out with someone like me.
Me: But why? You are a nice guy. [truth]
X: But there are tonnes of nice guys around.
Me: Well, you are smart and you (insert talent here) [truth]
X: So? I am not rich or good looking enough.
Me: I don't think that is important at all. [Genuine opinion]
X: Yes it is.
Me: No, it is not. You just need the courage to ask the girl out.[sincere advice]
X: Huh?
Me: Yeah. You need to just ask. I am sure she ll appreciate the fact that you were brave enough to even ask and oblige.[Genuine opinion]
X: Yeah right.
Me: Right!
X:Thats you. Not everyone is the same.
Me: Okay, well at least you would have tried. Don't put yourself down- you are actually quite good looking and you do have a good future. [white lie]
X: Really?
Me: Really. In fact, I see girls checking you out all the time. You are quite a good catch. [blatant lie]
X: Wow. I never knew that. Why don't I have a girlfriend?
Me: Urm.... well you see..... maybe you just have to wait.
X: I don't believe you. (looks at me suspiciously) I guess I am destined to be alone forever.
Me: Urm....don't worry. If you are worried, what about other guys who are lesser mortals compared to you? [blatant, blatant lie]
X: Really?
Me: Yeah really. Compared to other guys you are superior. You have superpowers and you can fly. Which girl wouldn't fall for you? [ABSURD, OUTRIGHT AND RIDICULOUS lie]

Kylie, me and really angry people

I named my car after Kylie Minogue- small and cute yet sexy, and most definitely a survivor. I have been driving to KL since my college is in Brickfields, and to be honest, I am not exactly a good driver and neither do I take as much care of Kylie as I should. After ignoring Kylie's very noisy gearbox for months, I finally bought her to the mechanic, only to find out that there wasn't anything wrong with the gearbox itself- it was the mat blocking the clutch. Every time I changed the gear I couldn't step on the clutch properly, so I have to force the gear into its position. I felt like an idiot- I had just confirmed the believe that female drivers are bad drivers! But it was an honest mistake that anyone could have made, right?
I only started driving on a regular basis in Kl since I started my course in Brickfields. When I first started, my driving was terrible! I was impatient, I cut into other people's lanes when I should have waited, I NEVER gave way and I couldn't side-park. Then one day, when my dad came to KL, he said "You don't give way to other people and you expect other people to give you way?" Oooops. Sounds like I have been a jerk. Since then, I try to be more patient, but it is difficult. I never had the habit of using the 'f' word, and neither have I shown anyone the middle finger (yet), but somehow, when I am on the road, I have to practice some self-restraint to stop myself.
But then again, everyone else is angry, and I mean ANGRY- honking, staring and shouting whenever someone else cuts into their lane, or when someone else refuse to let them cut into their lane, or when someone else parks in 'their' parking lot. The stress mounting while being stuck in a traffic jam creates even more anger, and being late makes it worse. Since Kylie had her window smashed and was scratched, however, I decided that all that anger wasn't worth it- I am going to be driving for a very long time, and it really takes up A LOT of energy to be angry for that long. I wonder how other people do it. From now on, I am like, its all zen yeo, and its all cool. Peace, man, peace. (try imagining a surfer dude saying that and you'll get what I mean)
That approach doesn't exactly improve my driving skills, but at least my blood pressure is normal when I am driving. In the meantime, Kylie will still have to put up with me. In fact, I am really surprised that I haven't gotten involved in any major accidents. Now do you know why I call her a survivor?

Those good old coffee days

I woke up at 3 am this morning in panic, thinking about how much more I needed to study, not realizing that the exams are over. After coming out from the bathroom, however, I saw that the kitchen is somewhat neater and cleaner and the floor had been vacuumed- and I immediately remembered that I did all that yesterday BECAUSE the exams where over. Yes, I know, everyone must be asking- 'You cleaned the house after the exams? Shouldn't you be out partying?' The truth is I wanted to be as normal as I can possibly get. The past two months has been about worrying, studying, stressing, remembering, sleep deprivation and huge quantities of caffeine. My dream of running a marathon seems further now that I haven't been to the gym in nearly a month. The apartment is dirty and I have got books all over my desk. I didn't catch the controversial ad on 8 TV because I haven't been watching TV. I haven't read anything non-CLP except for the occasional newspaper now and then. The essay I wanted to hand in for a competition never came into existence. Kylie had to wait to have her gearbox repaired, and I haven't seen Bobo in such a long time. My skin now looks like it belongs to a reptile.
I don't think I can ever look at any CLP-related book, or drive all the way to Brickfields to have a 14 hour study marathon EVER again. I don't ever want to drive around to look for parking and then hear the endless sighs in the library. I don't want to wake up at 3am on the morning of the exams to look at the same notes over again. I don't want to ever replace coffee for a meal.
Now that the exams are over, I have a reason to SMILE. Not that I am sure that I will pass the exam, mind you, but it's funny how things seem different after traumatic events.(yes, exams are traumatic, to me at least) I got up in the morning, cleaned the house, went out for lunch, bought groceries, brought Kylie to the mechanic (more on that later) went out for a jog, went for dinner and then went shopping. Yes, all very normal, 'domesticated' activities, but yes, I was so HAPPY. Okay, maybe not THAT happy. You see, because I was so used to drinking so much coffee for the past two months, when I didn't have any yesterday (okay, maybe just one cup), I was really sleepy by 7pm, hence I had a typical day of a 70 year old. Now that I have done normal, I think today is the time for a little crazy.
So there you go. Arte trivialle is back! I am really sorry that today's post is really about me ranting about how terrible the exams have been, but to all random people reading this, I will try to write as often as I can, till you all get sick of me!

Malaysian standards please!

I am worried about Malaysians. Seriously. We eat too much and apparently we waste a lot of food, yet yesterday, the police found the body an Indonesian maid who was allegedly starved to death by her employers. It is certainly a difficult life for migrant workers in Malaysia- overworked and poor, they are also mentally, physically and socially tortured.
As I sit here in front of my (albeit old) laptop with a mug of hot drink beside me, I wonder how different life would have been if I was born in different circumstances. Would I be the one sweeping the corridors of my apartment building? Would I have worked for the family next door as a live-in maid? I really don't know. I complain about my life a lot, but then when I think about it, I have a lot. I have Kylie waiting in the car park for me whenever I need to drive somewhere. I have Bobo sitting on my desk whenever I feel the urge to blog or spend some 'quality' time on Facebook. I have my parents to turn to whenever I need money, and my cousins and friends when I need help for whatever reason. I lead a relatively comfortable life as compared to that Indonesian maid next door, or that cleaner in my apartment building.
Employers who can afford to hire foreign employees, I presume, lead a comfortable life. Why, then, would such a person harm a fellow human being? I don't know about the rest of you, but those migrant workers, in my opinion, have contributed in many ways to this country. Buildings don't magically built themselves, do they? Houses do not clean themselves, and fresh produce do not miraculously appear in the supermarkets without anyone planting, watering and transporting them there.
Some people say that life in the worker's own country is much more difficult, and that here in Malaysia, those workers lead a more comfortable life, hence there is no need treat them as well as we treat our fellow Malaysians. I am not asking for the government to provide free healthcare to all of them, or that we should have a minimum wage requirement for foreign workers in this country. All I am asking for, really, is that we treat them with the respect and dignity that they deserve- that any human being deserve, for that matter. Show them that Malaysians are caring and hospitable people, just like how the Ministry of Tourism portray us in those 'Malaysia, truly Asia' advertisements. The Malaysians I know would not ill-treat me if I work for them; they are polite people who will show me respect, and I, in turn, would do the same. I hope this Malaysian standard is applied to all in our country.
I am sure that some would protest and call me stupid for saying something like this. Some will tell me that they have no choice- the employee is too stupid to understand instructions, too lazy or cause them too much trouble. Or that they increase the crime rate in this country. If you ask me, it is better for me to wind-up my business or quit my job than to ill-treat another human being. Alternatively, you could always pay (much) more and hire a person better equipped to do the job (as they always say, you pay peanuts, you get monkeys). Easy for me to say since I am not in the situation, I know; but then again I am used to being called an idiot. Feel free to do so if you think I am one.

deep fried orange mars bars

Recently me and my partner-in-crime discovered the joys of eating....ahem..... deep fried orange mars bars. Willingly, almost every week, we indulge in those unhealthy, chocolaty things that are not only bad news for your throat, but bad for your health in general; since it is a terrible indulgence frowned upon by the people around us, we do it only away from prying (familiar and known) eyes. I am not at all addicted, but I do enjoy a few bars every week, and it is an effective (???!!!) way to de-stress. However, since the impending doom of the coming exams is looming upon us, we gorged on those sinful things in public at the risk of being seen by people known to us. Unfortunately, that actually happened one day, and I was embarrassed despite my usual devil-may-care and what-the-hell attitude. Guess I do care about what people think, which is news, to me at least. Mind you, that is just deep fried orange mars bars, not some sex tape that might kill off my political career.
So what is the moral of the story? If you think that certain behaviors are unacceptable and shameful, never do it even if no one else is looking or will find out later. If you are too ashamed to have your conduct being made known public, then don't do it at all. So I won't. Also, my bad habit will cost me my health, as I found out after my usual treadmill session the other day- I felt so tired I went straight to bed after my shower. The next morning, I threw my secret stash of mars bars away, vowing to break all ties with the delicious but dangerous candy bar but I will need to find a new way to de-stress. They say that smiling can help lower your stress levels and can trick your body into changing your mood for the better. So if you see me smiling for no good reason, I am not insane, just trying to de-stress- and yes, do try to smile back!

from antidiscrimination to discrimination

One day, at McDonald's, my cousin said something that made me think. A few years ago, I tutored a few students to supplement the allowance given by my parents; having been through that, I understand how teachers can inadvertently favour the weaker students over the brighter ones. You set your heart out to protect the weaker ones, trying to understand them and at the same time sympathizing, because you realise that sometimes hard work and diligence is not enough to make the cut. You go out of your way to help them- giving them more attention in class, finding teaching materials that are more suitable for them- sometimes at the expense of the rest of your students. It is like that in life as well. Parents who tend to protect the weaker child might neglect children that are more capable of being successful in life. I have seen this situation in many families. Governments, in an effort to create a more equal society, may introduce quotas and reservations in favour of minority groups or groups that are deemed to be disadvantaged.

Anyway, back to the story at McDonald's. As I was pouring coffee from the refill stand, I realised that the pot was rather empty, so I only filled half of my cup as there was a Malay man standing behind me waiting to refill his cup of coffee as well. Back at the table, I explained to my cousin when he asked me why my cup was only half full. He then said: 'You gave up coffee to a guy who is not even a lengzai?'(yes, my cousin is very shallow) and I replied that if that guy was good looking, I WOULD NOT have given up my coffee for him. The next day when my friend pointed out to me that a particular (good looking) guy was sitting somewhere near us in class, I actually told her that if I did not know a person, as time passes by, I'll find him/her uglier. In an effort to not judge a person by his looks, I have actually become more partial to less than perfect people, and less partial to perfect people. Since the better looking ones, as people say, are treated better, why should I be nice to them? I should be nicer to people that are not treated as well, shouldn't I? This could also explain the 'racial composition' of my friends. Perhaps, subconsciously, because I do not want to be labelled as a racist, I am friendlier to people that are not Chinese? In my efforts to treat everyone the same, I ended up treating people differently.

This reminds me of reverse or positive discrimination. India and the United States have seen protests against 'affirmative action' programmes put in place to improve the minority group's academic, political and economic development. I don't see the need to talk about special privileges given to certain groups of people in this country, given that it is such a hotly debated topic. What I am trying to say is that there are dangers in trying to create equality by creating inequality. Due to my 'reverse discrimination' good looking people now think that I am rude and avoid me, while the Chinese might think I am crazy and hate me.

But I have to defend myself- it is difficult to be fair when you are trying hard to be fair. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do to get the desired results. Take feminists and women's group, for example. To champion gender equality, they go all out to defend rights of women, and may sometimes appear overzealous and unfair to men, but I still applaud their efforts. If teachers favoured only bright students who usually come from privileged backgrounds, then what about the weaker students? If nothing is done, the rich will get richer, the poor will get poorer.

So what is the moral of the story? There is always two sides to the coin. I know some people might be offended by this post, but the good thing is nobody actually reads my blog, so hopefully no one will report me to the police for blasphemy or sowing racial discord, because that is NOT my intention at all. ( I might 'emo' once in a while because I have no readers, but this is one of the occasions that I actually am glad I have no readers) So anyway, to all the good looking and/or Chinese strangers out there, I would like to hereby sincerely apologize!